xTending

And now that the sun has set my thoughts begin to increase. I wonder how many hours I've wasted trying to put my mind at ease? I've tried the breathing, the praying and silent meditation, but nothing is stopping all this contemplation. I just lay awake waiting. I can't breathe. It's hard for me: to inhale and exhale ever so slowly, ever so deeply. I can't manage evenings like this: staying up night till morning, yes, I do mean 4, 5 am. even 6. My lack of slumber forces me to move about  and I don't understand why I can't cut it out? Unfortunately embracing dreams of success and nightmares of doubt. I seek trends of peaceful rest, but they don

A pledge made to myself a thousand times a thousand. The repetition of these motions made: realization, regret, repentance.... The cycle quickens with each new day. The familiarity returns. Same old, same old. The quiet interior of one who lives: Unbalance at the heart, insanity at the mind, and always... always... elevating. Arise!, it does in each new situation. Watch... for the battles are fought in silence. How cold the flesh is, before the searing. How frozen the flesh is, once the organ's been torn. Left with life? No. Lingering it does onward. And death feels grand. Ol' Death feels grand.